Get out of the closet!

What's up everyone?

Yeah, yeah I am back. Figured I would tell you all another tale.

Let's see...

Back in the early 90's I had a best friend and we were roommates. We were a bit wild then, single and screwing whoever we pleased. She's married now and all domesticated and shit. Me? Well, I'm still me, just a bit more mellow then I used to be.
So, we're out one night hanging at the club and I run into this guy that I knew from college and we were all hanging out.

He had two friends with him that I didn't know. One was a manager at this local hotel bar. The other I don't remember much about. Hell I barely knew the guy from college.

Later we ended up at the hotel bar that the other guy manages and hung out for a bit longer. Hotel guy and my friend are flirting and shit so the guy gets one of the rooms upstairs for us.

She tells hotel guy to lose the 3rd buddy with them. He does and the 4 of us go upstairs to the room.

She gets the bed with the hotel guy and I go into the bathroom with the guy I knew.
Anyway we do our thing right? And by the way, it wasn't even good... It sucked actually. Talk about your disappointing lays.

Oh it gets worse...after we were done the fucker looks at me and says, "Yeah, no worries... but I have herpes. You don't mind right?"

MOTHER FUCKER...I almost punched his face.

My Response... "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY?"

He was kidding and I had made him wrap his package in latex but still.

Anyway...

We're getting dressed and we hear all this noise outside the bathroom door. I had no idea what the fuck was going on out there.

I open the door to my friend screaming that someone had been hiding in the closet.

"WHAT?! Fucking call the front desk!" I tell her and the hotel guy is trying to calm us down and saying, "No. No, you can’t call… It’s fine… It’s fine…"

"Like fucking hell it's fine."

So here is what happened while I was having a not so enjoyable time in the bathroom.

They were in bed... (Her and hotel guy) They had finished and she was on her back with him leaning over her... trying to be all stupid sweet… WHATEVER DUDE. LOL. Anyway she notices the closet door is open a little and it wasn't before. The doors were mirrored panels, the ones that slide from side to side, and tuck one behind the other.

So she asks hotel guy, "Dude why is the closet door open?"

"Hmm? What?" he replies.

She looks again and sees the door kind of shake a little and again says to him, "DUDE there is someone in the fucking closet!"

"Oh? No, no there's not."

"Fuck you! Yes there is!"

So, she gets up and grabs her knife. Yes, I said knife. We used to carry knives because... Well that's a story for a different day. I'll just say I was a bartender and we were young and got ourselves into precarious situations.. Yada, yada, blah, blah!

Anyway.

She grabs her knife and palms it with the blade pointed down and along her forearm and begins tip toeing over to the closet. She looks back at the dude in the bed and he's just sitting there, sheets pulled up to his eyes... Like a fucking little girl and totally scared of what she's going to do.

She walks right up to the closet door, stands very still in front of it… and the fucking thing closes RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER!

She starts screaming. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE CLOSET YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!"

The opposite door opens and the dude runs out and through the hotel room door into the hall. Of course she hasn't stopped yelling and did I mention she was naked?

Yeah… Butt fucking ass naked!

She yells, "WHAT! THE! FUCK! I could have just knifed someone!" as she is getting dressed.

This is about the time I came out of the bathroom.

So we leave and as we approach our car which is parked next to theirs she stops and says to the guy, "DUDE, the next time you want your friend to watch, you need to let me know." Holy shit, right?”

She remembered the green checkered flannel their friend had been wearing and realized it was him! The fucking twerp!

True story... Swear on my grandfather's grave!

So that's all I have for you today. I hope you enjoyed reading this one. I know I laughed a lot while writing it. Ahhh Memories!

Later,
Ivy